XBox 360 Rally

This was a hell of a week. It started off with Sony’s little goat thing, and ended with assault due to WoW harassment. In between, David Jaffe passes a kidney stone, Visa lets you put WoW in your pocket, and we have a few videos that you will absolutely love. And in the non-gaming w31rd… well, it’s something else entirely.

So, without further delay or adieu, and as NSFW as you can get, I present to you… t3h w31rd!

Goat of War!
This almost has to be the top story this week. I mean… wow, how do you have to be? If you haven’t heard by now… Sony cut the head off a goat. But wait, you think that’s the bad part? Oh, of course not. They THEN encouraged people to reach inside the damn carcass of the freshly beheaded goat, and [i]feast[/i] on it’s innards.

I wish I was making this shit up. I really do.

Naturally people here flipped their damn lids. With good reason. Sony has launched an investigation into the matter, but here’s what they are claiming as of now: The goat was dead when they bought it, and what they encouraged people to reach for was a pre-cooked Greek dish. I do not care. In the end you still cut the head off of a goat and told people to reach inside and eat whatever they grab. That’s just plain messed up!

…and yet, for whatever reason I want lamb chops.

OMG! WoW player harasses another player — gets PWNED by player’s husband!
This is something else. Apparently, down in Mexico, there is a man named Bronco Carson. Yes, his name is Bronco. Either way, Bronco here… hey, stop laughing at his name and let me get through this, ok? So Bronco… good, Bronco has reported to police that three men assaulted him at his home, beating him with clubs and completely smashing his computer. Why, you ask, would someone beat the living hell out of poor Bronco, you ask?

Well, Bronco had been on World of Warcraft, harassing this poor woman repeatedly. Bronco admitted as much to police when they spoke with him. So much so that he had been getting harassed in game for the past two weeks. Now, I know what you’re about to ask. “But JW, how would she know where to find him?”

Well, apparently Bronco is a dumbfuck. Bronco gave the woman his home address and said, I quote,

if [your] husband was man enough to just come meet me to settle this.

…this is why we need an IQ test for the internet, people. If you’re dumb enough to give out your home address, you have this shit coming. Either way, he had two fingers and his wrist broken, and his computer and entertainment equipment were completely smashed. I would feel bad for the guy, but honestly… he asked for it. Dumb bastard.

World of Visa
Visa has officially sold their souls to the devil. …I have absolutely nothing else to add to that. Visa, you should be ashamed.

Resident Evil 2… on the GBA!

See, I see this kind of crap and it saddens me. I love the Resident Evil games. It ranks up there with KotOR and Max Payne as my top-three gaming franchises (to me, not in general, shut up). Back when the original Resident Evil was being made for the Game Boy Color, I was as giddy as a school child. Then they cancelled it, claiming the game was too complex to fully translate. That doesn’t explain why Resident Evil 2, a game I never even KNEW was coming to the Game Boy, was canned. From looking at that video, it certainly looks like it could hold its own.

Mario: Game Over

You ever wonder what would happen if Mario stopped having to save Peach every 14.6 minutes? Well, someone did. And this is it. Apparently, Mario’s developed quite the mushroom habit and it’s ruining both his and Peach’s lives. His relationship with Luigi has deteriorated to the point where they now hate each other. Finally, Mario succumbs to his addictions and… the rest is tragic. So enjoy!

David Jaffe wins “Quote of the Decade”
Go… fuck your mother… up her jiggly… ass… twat. This, my friends… is the greatest line ever uttered by a game developer. Whether you love him or hate him, or in the case of Joystiq feel the need to pick apart every single thing he does… that is a classic.

Non-Gaming w31rd: Have sex with me. It’s for medical purposes only.
This is arguably the greatest story I’ve ever read. Let me boil this down for you: An airline pilot by the name of Fadi Sbano was able to convince a woman to have sex with him for nine months. How? He told her that it was essential to apply an ointment to the tip of his penis.

The woman involved is a teacher, by the way.

So she followed him along for nine months, allowing him to have sex with her so he could “apply ointment.” Finally, after nine months she hit her head on a doorway or something, and realized that this was SO bullshit. That’s when he was brought up on nine charges of rape.

Oh, in case you’re curious… he got off.

And Finally…

Peter Griffin owns Marvel vs. Capcom!

This is perhaps the single coolest mod I’ve ever seen. But the best way to explain this it to just quote the man himself, JudgeSpear:

I take my MvC edit of Peter Griffin for a battle against a live AI opponent. Since Peter is still unrefined, I chose an opponent who is not too hard, but still presents a decent challenge: Sakura by P.o.t.S. With the latest edits, Peter can now fight against live opponents quite decently.

See y’all next week!

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