t3h w31rd: June 24th, 2007
Before we jump in to t3h w31rd this week, I feel the need to vent on a personal level for only a minute. You see, if you had somehow been associated with me, Jim (not J.W.), you would probably be under the impression that I am a bisexual pedophile who is trying to sleep with my former friend’s younger sister. Yeah. It’s been one of those kind of weeks. I don’t think I have to tell you people that none of that is true.
So, I’m a bit grumpy. And tired. And out of smokes, which makes me both grumpy and tired. It’s a vicious cycle. Either way, here’s t3h w31rd.
Elf Bowling: The Movie
As much as I wish I were, I’m not making this up. According to Kotaku, there is actually a film coming direct-to-DVD entitled “Elf Bowling The Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike”. Now, I’m… I’m… I don’t even know. There comes a point where you see something, and your brain simply can not process it. This is one of those events. I mean, unless I saw a photograph or something, I don’t even think my brain could comprehend the idea of–
–oh Good Christ, it’s real.Sega and BioWare Combine Powers To Create Sonic RPG!
…yeah, I have nothing. That’s just fuckin’ weird. At least it’s almost guaranteed to be the first Sonic game in nearly fifteen years (by the time they finish) that doesn’t completely suck.
PC Magazine Kisses Serious Nintendo Ass; Claims Wii “Best Product Ever”
What the hell? Don’t get me wrong, the Wii is a fun little box to toy with for a few hours here and there, but it’s hardly the greatest product ever. This is so damn absurd that I’m almost tempted to call for Lance Ulanoff’s credentials to be revoked. Almost. But I then quickly realized that poor Lance is just caught up in all the Wii hype, and he’ll get his senses back in a few weeks. It’s ok.
But the Wii being the “Best Product Ever” is, well, beyond wrong. It’s fun, sure. But when you get down to it, it’s nothing new. The Wii controller is basically nothing more than the deformed offspring of a motion-sensor and a light gun. That’s it. Hell, this isn’t even the first time Nintendo has tried the motion-sensor stuff. Remember the Power Glove? I know at least does. Basically, the Wii is Nintendo’s second attempt at the Power Glove. Only difference is this time it worked.
Sorry Nintendo fanboys — it had to be said.
And finally…
Roy Schildt: Missile Command Champion. Patriot. Fellatio Afficionotto.
For those of you who listen to All Games Interactive, the name Roy Schildt strikes fear into your heart. If you don’t listen to All Games Interactive… well, then you fail. But, you will also soon understand why this former World Record Holder for Missile Command is… why he simply is.
See y’all next week!
, , , , , , , , , ,
-->
Leave a Reply