t3h w31rd: May 27th, 2007 - Critical Ass Error Edition
The past couple of weeks have been pretty trying here at “t3h w31rd”. Not too much weird shiite has gone down that has warranted writing up this weekly peek inside the seedy, absurd gaming underbelly. BUT… I have found a few things, and I think we can make this work. SO, without further adieu, I present to you all… t3h w31rd.
The Xbox is a MURDERER!
This first story isn’t so much “ha ha” w31rd as it is “it doesn’t add up” weird. The story is tragic, but apparently the family also has a time machine that goes one year into the future.
In 2004, infant Wade Kliner was tragically killed in a housefire. That’s a very sad piece of news, and my condolences go out to the family. In 2006, the family filed a lawsuit against both Microsoft and Wal-Mart. The claim? That an overheated Xbox 360 power source was what led to the fire that killed their child.
Yeah, that’s right — an Xbox 360 power source caused the fire. In 2004. Am I the only one who sees that this doesn’t exactly add up? According to the lawsuit filed by the parents of this child, the fire that killed their child was caused by a video game console that didn’t get released until November, 2005 — a full eleven months AFTER the child had perished.
Now, maybe this is a matter of technological ignorance on the part of the parents — hell, MY mother still can’t get the VCR (yes, we still own a VCR) to stop blinking 12:00. And there was a recall for the original Xbox power cables in February 2005 because they could be a fire hazard. But the suit specifically states that it was an Xbox 360. It smells fishy to me, to be honest.
The family is seeking over $50,000 in damages. A drop in the ocean for Microsoft and Wal-Mart, to be sure. But, this is a matter of principle — if they pay these people off, more will come after them.
Now I could go for something a little less depressing…
Halo 2 Vista is up it’s own ass
There are a million reasons why a video game is delayed. Whether there is a snag in the coding, or the graphics aren’t up to snuff, or the developer is trying to implement new multiplayer modes, just about any reason under the sun is cause for a delay. Not in the case of Halo 2. Oh, no. That’s just too by the book for Bungie. So what could have caused the delay?
Why, there was an error with their ass, of course.
Yes, that’s the actual menu that comes up when you have a critical ass error in Halo 2. Obviously, the ESRB would’ve crucified Bungie if this were allowed to be released, so Bungie decided to delay the game a week in order to remove this file from the game. A shame, too — this would’ve taken the edge off knowing that my game had just died.
…critical ass error. I think we just found a new catch phrase here at X360R.
And the winners are… You know, the winner was hard to pick this week — on one hand, we have one of the sexiest women on the Earth dressing up in one of the sexiest outfits in nerddom, and on the other hand we have one of the greatest feats in gaming. I, being one who prefers women over games (but not by much), have decided that this week is a TIE! I’m gonna give you the games, AND the women!
This Guy Is Better Than You
But first — how often did you play Contra as a kid, only to throw your controller down in frustration as the 8-bit box of pain owned you yet again? Too many, I’m sure. Here is a guy who, quite frankly, is better than you.
Notice something? Yeah, he didn’t die. Once. Bastard.
Olivia Munn is Damn Near Perfect!
It’s no secret amongst my friends and colleagues that I have a major thing for Attack of the Show’s Olivia Munn. Hell, I would carry her child. So as you could imagine, when she decided to dress up as my #2 sexual fantasy (behind the Orion Slave Girl from Star Trek TOS), I damn near choked on my cold, crisp beverage. The words still escape me, so I’m not going to try and describe the euphoria felt during that entire segment. All I will say is this:
Olivia Munn + Slave Leia Bikini + Lightsaber + Homicidal Tendencies = Me regaining consciousness on my living room floor some 45 minutes later. And now, the gratuitous pictures. Because I can.
Happy Birthday, Star Wars!
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May 27th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
I think the XBox 360 thing is a mistake. I doubt they know an XBox from a Playstation. So how are they gonna keep 2 versions of the same console straight?
I wish bungie would do the error codes for Windows. I’d love to see what they’d do for a f***ing blue screen.