XBox 360 Rally

Welcome to the first in what will surely become a new series of articles here at X360R, where either PacoDG or myself will highlight a particular game that we want to see show up on Xbox LIVE. Now that we have the mandatory introduction out of the way, let’s get to it.

Dinosaurs for Hire is not only one of the best comic-book games ever, but one of the best side-scrollers to ever appear on the Sega Genesis. Period. Based off an obscure comic book series of the 1980s, Dinosaurs for Hire places you in the role of one of three Cretaceous-period badasses:

• Archie: The leader of the Dinosaurs for Hire, Archie is a T-Rex wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses. While the fastest of the three, he is also the weakest in combat. His favorite sport is miniature golf.
• Lorenzo: Lorenzo is to the Dinosaurs for Hire what Michelangelo was to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A triceratops with a penchant for the finer things in life (wine, cheeseburgers and hawaiian shirts), Lorenzo is the most balanced of the three, and my personal favorite.
• Reese: Every team of heroes needs a badass, and this Stegosaurus is it. Donning an eye patch, Reese is the slowest but strongest of the three. His dislikes include world peace, and reloading.

• Now, the game immediately throws you into a boss battle against “Mega Monster” (I know, real original name, right?). It’s not a real boss battle, however you WILL replay it later in the game, only with a higher rate of difficulty. After that scare (to which a pteradactyl named Cyrano blames on a malfunction with your Blast Processing Unit), the real game begins.

  

  There really isn’t much of an overall story with Dinosaurs for Hire. Although, considering that you play as a gun-weilding dinosaur who fights ninjas, samurai, motorcycle gangs, and action figures, it may be for the best that no one tried to tie this all together.

  The gameplay in DfH is very simple: Run and gun. That is it. You pick your character, and then spend the rest of the game shooting the variety of bad guys. Sure, there are some platforming elements thrown in, and they don’t hurt the game any, but in the end this is all about shooting shit.

  Power-ups remain basic, being able to triple your rate of fire (getting up to three streams of fire), as well as increasing the size of your bullet. If you can get all the power-ups on the first stage, it makes the Subway a freaking breeze. You can also collect extra dinosaurs for extra lives, mushroom clouds for smart bombs (although I never used ‘em), and a burger with soda is your health.

  

  There are eleven levels to the game, ranging from the streets of New York, to a toy factory, to futile Japan. Each level had their own set of challenges and enemies, and like every 16-bit video game of the era, every level ended with a boss battle. For instance, the first REAL boss battle takes place on top of the Empire State Building, against a giant robotic minotaur named “Mega Minotaur” aka “Hoyt”. This is arguably one of the easiest boss battles in all the history of gaming, but that’s beside the point. However, the game will get harder as it goes on, becoming down right near-impossible towards towards the later levels.

  One of my favorite stages is “Hollywood”. Here you fight miniature tanks and helicopters while walking through a miniature model of a city, ala Godzilla.

  If you couldn’t tell, humor plays a big part in the game. Like the comic series that preceeded it, Dinosaurs for Hire has this somewhat dry, very sarcastic sense of humor which frequently “breaks the fourth wall” to talk to you, the player. Breaking the fourth wall has long been one of my favorite kinds of humor, and seeing it in any video game is a real treat for me.

  Odds are that very few of you will remember Dinosaurs for Hire on the Sega Genesis. Also, odds are that even fewer of you will remember the Tom Mason comics. But, should you ever see this cartridge lying at a $.25 yard sale, you would be doing yourself a HUGE favor in picking it up.

  …and that’s why I want this game on Xbox LIVE Arcade. Now if you don’t mind me, I have to polish my rifle.

  

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